She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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