i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
