Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
