you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
