never play flip cup with pint glasses
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The air taste purple.
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