could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
