You made me cry and you don't even care
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
