Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
