he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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