Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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