Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
