i would punch a child for taco bell
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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