Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
