Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
