My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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