His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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