my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
