do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
