That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
