If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
