Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
