so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
