Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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