so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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