I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
