my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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