Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
