Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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