Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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