I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
