Your mouth is God's brothel.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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