I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
