I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
