i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
