Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
