pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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