Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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