so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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