i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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