I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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