My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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