Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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