you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize