Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
its liver damage thursday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
