In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
