Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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