one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
