When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
