I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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