i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
