Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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