Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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