Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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