The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
