next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
