Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
