Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
