He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
