HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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