Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
